Recurring Dream- A Poem from My Younger Self

I found this old poem of mine when I was cleaning my office this morning, and a piece of paper fell to the floor at my feet.  I wrote this poem when I was around 25-27 years old, circa 2000-2002.  It was a time when I lived in Baltimore City and was actively involved in the arts scene.  I loved to go to open mic nights around the city and read my spoken word poetry.  The photo above shows me on my way to an art opening with my dear old friend Uli Luskot, and it was published in the City Paper as the photo of the week.  My heart was still tattooed with the nin kanji back in those days.  I was fearless in the expression of my art form.  With Venus retrograde in Scorpio, it feels like the perfect time to revisit this old art form of mine and share it with the world once again.  It’s so much better when I read it in person…but this will do.  I’ve always been a deep person.

Recurring Dream

I swear I’ve been here before.

This place is so familiar,

This feeling is one in the same-

A window, a hallway and the same brown door.

Opening the gateway

Into whatever my fate may

Be.

To my childhood’s backyard

House of secrets hidden

Beyond the grass so green

Running to find

The treasure forbidden

Behind my mind

And the truths I’ve seen

No matter how hard

Picking the childhood scars

Licking the pain away

From the memories of yesterday

Two knees that are still scarred

From falling down

Upon the sacred ground

Of backyard memories.

Falling fast

Into the wounds of the past

Reopened

A lingering pain that lasts

From the first time my heart was broken.

Remember the younger years

The childhood tears, little kid fears.

A memory unspoken

Of mother, father trauma

Too young to understand their drama

Through poverty and wealth

Connected at the heart

Through sickness and health

Til death do they part.

Feels like God pushed rewind

And now I find

Myself here

With you, someone new

But of the same kind

Revisiting the same fears,

The same pain

The kind that makes me feel

Like I need a change.

And I’ve had enough of this bull****.

It’s like this.

You are him and I am her

And she is you and he is me

And we are all One

And we can’t do what has already been done.

All we can do is learn

And grow and heal

And feel

Our souls yearn

To return

To One.

I swear I’ve been here before.

This place is so familiar,

This feeling is one in the same-

A window, a hallway and the same brown door.

Opening the gateway

Into whatever my fate may

Be.